<Li> The Tea Copywriters, performed with Late Night writer Brian McCann as two bickering writers of tea slogans and commercial jingles in Conan's studio audience . They would usually fight with each other about who was the better slogan writer, until Conan would settle it by having the two fight each other in a steel cage battle to the death . </Li> <Li> Dave "Tiny Hands" Gordon, a seemingly average man who has difficulty trying to live a normal life because of his infant - sized hands . </Li> <Li> Jon the Stair Climber, a self - proclaimed expert at talk show stair climbing . Armed with only his stair climbing equipment and his sherpa "Lakpa", Jon has made several attempts to brave the climb up the staircase in Conan's studio, only to fail miserably every time . </Li> <Li> Kim the Witness Protection Comedian, a stand - up comedian who specializes in celebrity impressions, but because he is in the witness protection program he has to wear a ski - mask and have his voice digitally scrambled, making all his impressions sound the same . Glaser would later bring back a variation of this character for his Adult Swim series Delocated . </Li>

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