<P> Dodgson had been groomed for the ordained ministry in the Church of England from a very early age and was expected to be ordained within four years of obtaining his master's degree, as a condition of his residency at Christ Church . He delayed the process for some time but was eventually ordained as a deacon on 22 December 1861 . But when the time came a year later to be ordained as a priest, Dodgson appealed to the dean for permission not to proceed . This was against college rules and, initially, Dean Liddell told him that he would have to consult the college ruling body, which would almost certainly have resulted in his being expelled . For unknown reasons, Liddell changed his mind overnight and permitted Dodgson to remain at the college in defiance of the rules . Dodgson never became a priest, unique amongst senior students of his time . </P> <P> There is currently no conclusive evidence about why Dodgson rejected the priesthood . Some have suggested that his stammer made him reluctant to take the step, because he was afraid of having to preach . Wilson quotes letters by Dodgson describing difficulty in reading lessons and prayers rather than preaching in his own words . But Dodgson did indeed preach in later life, even though not in priest's orders, so it seems unlikely that his impediment was a major factor affecting his choice . Wilson also points out that the Bishop of Oxford, Samuel Wilberforce, who ordained Dodgson, had strong views against clergy going to the theatre, one of Dodgson's great interests . Others have suggested that he was having serious doubts about Anglicanism . He was interested in minority forms of Christianity (he was an admirer of F.D. Maurice) and "alternative" religions (theosophy). Dodgson became deeply troubled by an unexplained sense of sin and guilt at this time (the early 1860s) and frequently expressed the view in his diaries that he was a "vile and worthless" sinner, unworthy of the priesthood and this sense of sin and unworthiness may well have affected his decision to abandon being ordained to the priesthood . </P> <P> At least four complete volumes and around seven pages of text are missing from Dodgson's 13 diaries . The loss of the volumes remains unexplained; the pages have been removed by an unknown hand . Most scholars assume that the diary material was removed by family members in the interests of preserving the family name, but this has not been proven . Except for one page, material is missing from his diaries for the period between 1853 and 1863 (when Dodgson was 21--31 years old). This was a period when Dodgson began suffering great mental and spiritual anguish and confessing to an overwhelming sense of his own sin . This was also the period of time when he composed his extensive love poetry, leading to speculation that the poems may have been autobiographical . </P> <P> Many theories have been put forward to explain the missing material . A popular explanation for one missing page (27 June 1863) is that it might have been torn out to conceal a proposal of marriage on that day by Dodgson to the 11 - year - old Alice Liddell . However, there has never been any evidence to suggest that this was so, and a paper offers some evidence to the contrary which was discovered by Karoline Leach in the Dodgson family archive in 1996 . </P>

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