<P> Ralphie is in bed on Christmas night with his gun by his side . The adult Ralphie narrates that this was the best present he had ever received or would ever receive . </P> <P> Other vignettes: </P> <Ul> <Li> The Old Man wins a "major award" in a contest, which turns out to be a lamp in the shape of a woman's leg wearing a fishnet stocking, which was derived from the logo for Nehi (pronounced "knee - high") pop, a popular soft drink of the period . The Old Man is overjoyed by the lamp, but Mrs. Parker does not like it and a feud over it--referred to by adult Ralphie as "The Battle of the Lamp"--develops and results in the lamp's "accidental" destruction . </Li> <Li> The Old Man also fights a never - ending battle with the malfunctioning furnace in the Parker home . His frustrations cause him to swear quite often, including one profanity - laden rant that the adult Ralphie says "is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan ." </Li> <Li> Still another source of frustration for The Old Man is the dogs that belong to the next door hillbilly neighbors, the Bumpuses . The Bumpuses own "at least 785 smelly hound dogs" that harass The Old Man whenever he comes home from work . On Christmas Day, the dogs ruin the family's dinner by romping through their kitchen and eating their turkey . This results in the family having Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant instead . </Li> <Li> Ralphie and his friends Flick and Schwartz are tormented by the neighborhood bullies Scut Farkus and Grover Dill . Ralphie eventually snaps and beats up Farkus . </Li> <Li> Flick accepts a dare from Schwartz to stick his tongue onto the school flagpole . His tongue freezes onto the pole, requiring assistance from the police and fire department to free him . </Li> <Li> After getting a Christmas tree on the ride home, one of The Old Man's tires becomes flat, so he goes to fix it . Mrs. Parker encourages Ralphie to help . When Ralphie flips the tire he says, "Oh Fudge!" but he actually said the bad word . At home, Ralphie is given Lifebuoy soap in his mouth . His mother asks where he heard the word . He actually has heard from The Old Man every day but chickens out and says Schwartz . This leads to his mother calling Schwartz's mother on the phone . </Li> <Li> For homework, Ralphie and his class are assigned to write on what they want for Christmas . Ralphie knows what he is going to write about: The Red Ryder BB Gun . He imagines the ultimate A+, but gets a C+, with Miss Shields writing, "You'll shoot your eye out!" on the paper . </Li> <Li> Ralphie, a fan of the Little Orphan Annie radio program, eagerly awaits the arrival of a decoder pin he has applied to receive . When it comes in the mail, he uses it to decode a secret message at the end of the day's broadcast, but is disappointed to find it is only an advertisement for Ovaltine, the show's sponsor . </Li> </Ul> <Li> The Old Man wins a "major award" in a contest, which turns out to be a lamp in the shape of a woman's leg wearing a fishnet stocking, which was derived from the logo for Nehi (pronounced "knee - high") pop, a popular soft drink of the period . The Old Man is overjoyed by the lamp, but Mrs. Parker does not like it and a feud over it--referred to by adult Ralphie as "The Battle of the Lamp"--develops and results in the lamp's "accidental" destruction . </Li>

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